Sunday, May 15, 2016

Fear (Or How Not to Write a Blog)

Blogging requires persistence and a willingness to overshare with strangers on teh internets. I'm a persistent chickie, often annoyingly so, but that sharing thing? Scary.

I can't compose a blog post without reading it, rereading it, editing it, saving it as a draft, reconsidering what I wrote, wondering if I'm going to offend anyone, trying not to upset anyone, getting frustrated because I'm tired of trying to be perfect, staring at the words until they start to not make sense, questioning my own opinions, and fearing a backlash because someone didn't like what I wrote.

Which is silly, because no one is reading this blog. That should be liberating, right? "Hey, no one is reading this! Write WHATEVER YOU WANT."

To be frank, I honestly do not understand how people who suffer from anxiety can be so open online. I see it so frequently. Blogger says s/he has anxiety issues. Blogger is capable of writing copious content, sharing intimate details, and interacting with strangers all the time. HOW? I mean, I know anxiety comes in many flavors, but how do they do it without the worry eating them alive? Someone tell me so I can trade in my brand of anxiety for a better model. I'm nervous just typing this as a draft. If I hit "publish," concern over it will likely keep me awake tonight.

But I want to write. I've always wanted to write. And I recognize that my anxiety is keeping me from that. It's stopping me.

So. Putting this out there is me, kicking my anxiety in the junk. How ya like me now, mofo?

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