Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Internet Exposure

Why green?

Because, despite my age, I still feel like a newbie earthling. I'm naïve about so much stuff. So often I find myself in situations in which I'm expected to behave a specific way, and I unfailingly screw up. Sometimes appallingly, sometimes hilariously. Always cluelessly.

Because I envy people who have never been depressed or felt anxious. I've had depression for as long as I can recall, and I've been a tense, Type-A worrywart since birth. I don't know how to relax, or sleep normally, or "be myself" around other people.  

Because all of my worry and crazycakes anxiety makes me physically nauseated on a regular basis, in addition to dealing with a condition known as interstitial cystitis that makes my bladder feel like I'm hungover or pregnant at random.

Because I tell the truth, even when people don't like it or want to hear it, just like another famously green heroine, and that makes me a misfit. (And no, I'm not an over-the-top Wicked fan, it's just that two people have said exactly that to me. "You're Elphaba. She was cast out because she told the truth. No one likes honesty.")

Because I'm a tree-hugging, vegetarian, save-the-planet type. I do bathe, though, people. I just take really short showers. 

Because Greenville, SC is my hometown. I was born here, grew up here, live here. And yeah, it's a gorgeous place to live, but I often feel like an alien. I know very few people who share my "liberal" values in this still-very-conservative town, which doesn't help with the social anxiety thing. It's one thing to worry that people dislike you and fundamentally disagree with who you are. It's another thing to constantly meet people who actually dislike everything about your lifestyle and fundamentally disagree with all of your views.

Why a blog? Yet another blog in the crowded mists of teh internets? 

Because I can think of few people writing from my perspective, and because I believe that what I share here might be of value. To someone out there. Maybe. 

Maybe not. 


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