Wednesday, January 13, 2016


I have to pee. A lot.

Actually, that's not an accurate statement. I have to pee frequently, but rarely in great volume. Let's define frequently, shall we?

On a good day, it's at least once an hour. I haven't been to a movie at a theatre for at least three years.

On a not good day, it's every 10-15 minutes. I can't even sit through a single sitcom episode on Netflix without having to pause it. Marathon binge watching? None for me, thanks!

Also on a less-than-great day, during what's referred to as a flare, my abdomen swells up and I look pregnant. Sometimes this is accompanied by stabbing pains or tenderness so very acute that I cannot bear for anything to touch my skin. I can only wear large, loose clothes that make me feel like a less sassy Nell Carter.

I know where the restrooms are in almost every shop, shopping center, mall, big box store, grocery store, and restaurant in Greenville. I can tell you which ones are tidy, and I actively avoid patronizing establishments where they aren't.

Oh, and more to the point, I do NOT get to have as much sex as I'd like.

To compound matters, this is not really the type of thing you can politely tell people about. So if you're at work, people murmur when you have to leave your desk, AGAIN, for the third time in an hour. If you run into an acquaintance, you have to explain that, no, you're not expecting. If you're enjoying the holidays with family, you have to endure laughing jibes about your tiny bladder.

But those things happen when you feel like leaving the house at all, because on a really bad day you feel completely exhausted and frail, too.

All of this is due to a little-understood and largely untreatable condition called interstitial cystitis. It's my own little "hidden" disability, and it isn't going away.

But I'm making the best of it. I parody popular songs, improvising lyrics about my need to pee. I own more nightgowns than I used to, which my husband loves. I'm far more conscious of and sensitive to the potential "hidden" needs of others. I've become a better advocate for my own needs.

And I'm a whiny little bitch from time to time, too.    

No comments:

Post a Comment